Scared of School

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​In our town, we are about 3 weeks into the school year.   This is the time that my office begins to get referrals to work with children who are so anxious about attending school that it begins to impact the entire family system.  Every morning becomes a battle of wills, tears, rages, and chaos.

Parents who used to maintain employment end up quitting their jobs or transitioning to work from home or at night because they are unable to reliably get to work on a day-to-day basis. 
This scenario also causes frustration in the school setting.  Administrators, counselors, and social workers are faced with addressing absences, tardies, placement and promotion issues, and teachers work diligently to find ways to help the child catch up missed work and missed instruction.  

Often, this aversion to school is labeled as a disciplinary issue, both in the home and the school.  Many parents attempt to put disciplinary measures in place to punish the behaviors that interfere with attending school.  In the educational system, this is often labeled and addressed as truancy.  

Fear of attending school is actually a specific, diagnosable, and treatable form of anxiety.  Research suggests that anywhere from 8% to 28% of children could be diagnosed with Didaskeleinophobia, or fear of going to school.  

How do I know if my child has an anxiety problem or a behavior problem?

1. Disciplinary measures are not usually effective in dealing with anxiety.  If you have tried punishing your child for not wanting to go to school, and the struggle still happens, it's likely that your child is experiencing anxiety.  
2. School anxiety is often consistent over many years.  It can be worse in years that require transition (to another school, or even just a different style of instruction), but is often a long-standing struggle.
3. Anxiety can bring many physical symptoms, including stomach pain, nausea, muscle pain, teeth grinding or gritting, headaches, and shakiness.  If your child starts to "feel bad" or "get sick" in the mornings before school, you may be dealing with an anxiety issue.

A trained mental health provider(Psychologist, Psychiatrist, Licensed Counselor, Licensed Clinical Social Worker) will be able to give you more insight about whether your child's behaviors are related to anxiety concerns or some other issue.  These are just some general guidelines to help point you in the right direction.

If my child (or a student at my school) is dealing with school phobia, what should we do?

1. Set firm boundaries, but engage your child with empathy and understanding.  It's okay to set your child up with the expectation that he will attend school on a daily basis, but approach them with understanding as they work through the anxiety and difficulty that comes with attending school.
2. Make an appointment with a trained and licensed mental health provider who can help you and your child work through anxiety symptoms, give you skills and tools to manage anxiety, and provide input about the most appropriate ways to deal with anxiety in the school and home settings.  Consider allowing your mental health provider and your child's school to communicate so that they can provide the most consistent care possible for your child.  
3. Work with the school system to determine if alternate educational placements or modifications are needed.  There are options for home-based schooling, alternate classroom placements, and allowances for absences and tardies when they are directly due to a medical or mental health diagnosis.  Work with teachers, administrators, and your mental health provider to find the best ways for your child to work through her anxieties, receive instruction in the most appropriate setting for her, and complete her education in the least restrictive, most supportive environment possible.